This is how I entertain myself late at night:

Are You a Sex Goddess?
A brilliant bolt of lightning descends! SHAZAAM! The oracle has spoken!
The smoke clears to reveal that inside you is a divine being,
HESTIA, the Goddess of Family and Peace.
She's a deity who embraces all the aspects of womanhood. As a woman in her image, you exude femininity and sensuality.
You view men as the perfect counterpart to your womanly ways. But you probably don't appreciate casual encounters. Rather, you prefer purity and tradition. Because of these predilections, you tend to attract men who understand your nature and possess maturity and seriousness beyond their years. When you finally arrive at the bedroom and your divine qualities are released, you reveal such sensuality that the experience is unforgettable. In other words, with the right guy, you really know how to get wild in the sack. In fact, when the mood strikes, you can easily drive your man crazy. But out of respect for your inner nature, you require love and devotion from your partners. You are an attentive and giving lover who knows how to make your man feel sexy, appreciated, and fulfilled. When you show your stuff, it's like a light shines down from the heavens. Behold, the skies proclaim, here lies a goddess!
http://web.tickle.com/tests/standard/goddess_result.jsp

Hmm seems about right... with a few exceptions.

This one was taken a couple years ago:

your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

Painted Dancers...

A poem I wrote a year or so ago...one of the few I still like...

Painted dancers

masquerading through time

Singing to the moon and the stars

They travel to the sun

dancing through the sky

Not knowing where their destiny leads

lost in the subconscious of time

The painted dancers

beckon me, to follow them

Light on our feet, we go

Sailing through the clouds

high as angels

with wings of demon-fire

Tonight I want to hide my feelings too....

I am most definitely a pessimist.
Everything seems so bleak right now; I'm not going anywhere in life, and happiness was not destined for me. Why'd I have to be such a fuck up? Really?

So today is the two year anniversary of one of my friends killing themselves.
Thanks for the crappy mood.
Other people are pissing me off because they're either avoiding me or just being emo little fucks. GRRRRRR.
Now that I think about it, I think it's all guys I'm pissed off at/about right now. The ex boyfriend, the friend who over-reacted about me not wanting to date him, the one who didn't call me back, he probably forgot. Also the one that is annoying the shit out of me, the one that said he liked me and valued my friendship, but never spoke to me again, the one I enjoy talking to and who seems decent but I can't talk to right now (not really his fault though, so I guess he's innocent). Most guys in general.
And then there's the one who shot himself two years ago. Great job. Really.
I wish I had gotten to know him better.
And in my mind, I forever dedicate the song "My Immortal" by Evanesence, to Ryan Patrick Clancy. Rest in peace, baby "stallion".

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leaveI wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

4 a.m.

pounding headache

don't know why i am still on here at this hour

but this is my blog

to let loose the flames. hell is my own mind.

corny i know. cut me some slack