Soo bored. And sick.
Well I think I need to re-learn how to make new friends.
Alisa and I don't have that much in common anymore. My friends from Arizona have their own lives. And I am always the youngest of my coworkers so don't fit in to their life style. I love my boyfriend, he is pretty much my best friend now, which is fine, but I wish he wasn't my only close friend. I start my second semester of college in a few days. My horoscope said something about making new friends on the 28th, but I am not going to get my hopes up too high. Even if I did make a few, what would happen when I move to Butte for college next year? Hopefully I at least make new friends in Butte...and hopefully if they become good friends...maye I'll be lucky enough to find some that are as moivated to leave Montana as I am.
I don't know if I'll be able to make Phoenix my home again. There are a lot of... memories..there. I don't know..maybe Denver or somewhere in Texas? I'd prefer to stay in the southwest region, though California is not my type. At least not as far as I can remember. What to do?
If I'm gonna get anywhere I have to stick it through my Radiology degree first.
I wish Icould find what is going t make me happy in life... some sort of inspiration...
I wish I was more artistic.
I see everyone falling around me, but I'm waiting for the one who will get back up.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Not that anyone reads this but....
Incase anyone does stumble upon this, go to brickfish and vote on my entries! These are entries for contests/ scholarships. These ae just three of them...I have a handful of other entries as well.
Plus, for those of you into art/photography...and winning money...it's a pretty fun site.
Plus, for those of you into art/photography...and winning money...it's a pretty fun site.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
This is how I entertain myself late at night:
Are You a Sex Goddess?
A brilliant bolt of lightning descends! SHAZAAM! The oracle has spoken!
The smoke clears to reveal that inside you is a divine being,
HESTIA, the Goddess of Family and Peace.
She's a deity who embraces all the aspects of womanhood. As a woman in her image, you exude femininity and sensuality.
You view men as the perfect counterpart to your womanly ways. But you probably don't appreciate casual encounters. Rather, you prefer purity and tradition. Because of these predilections, you tend to attract men who understand your nature and possess maturity and seriousness beyond their years. When you finally arrive at the bedroom and your divine qualities are released, you reveal such sensuality that the experience is unforgettable. In other words, with the right guy, you really know how to get wild in the sack. In fact, when the mood strikes, you can easily drive your man crazy. But out of respect for your inner nature, you require love and devotion from your partners. You are an attentive and giving lover who knows how to make your man feel sexy, appreciated, and fulfilled. When you show your stuff, it's like a light shines down from the heavens. Behold, the skies proclaim, here lies a goddess!
http://web.tickle.com/tests/standard/goddess_result.jsp
Hmm seems about right... with a few exceptions.
This one was taken a couple years ago:
your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace
You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.
Are You a Sex Goddess?
A brilliant bolt of lightning descends! SHAZAAM! The oracle has spoken!
The smoke clears to reveal that inside you is a divine being,
HESTIA, the Goddess of Family and Peace.
She's a deity who embraces all the aspects of womanhood. As a woman in her image, you exude femininity and sensuality.
You view men as the perfect counterpart to your womanly ways. But you probably don't appreciate casual encounters. Rather, you prefer purity and tradition. Because of these predilections, you tend to attract men who understand your nature and possess maturity and seriousness beyond their years. When you finally arrive at the bedroom and your divine qualities are released, you reveal such sensuality that the experience is unforgettable. In other words, with the right guy, you really know how to get wild in the sack. In fact, when the mood strikes, you can easily drive your man crazy. But out of respect for your inner nature, you require love and devotion from your partners. You are an attentive and giving lover who knows how to make your man feel sexy, appreciated, and fulfilled. When you show your stuff, it's like a light shines down from the heavens. Behold, the skies proclaim, here lies a goddess!
http://web.tickle.com/tests/standard/goddess_result.jsp
Hmm seems about right... with a few exceptions.
This one was taken a couple years ago:
your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace
You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.
Painted Dancers...
A poem I wrote a year or so ago...one of the few I still like...
Painted dancers
masquerading through time
Singing to the moon and the stars
They travel to the sun
dancing through the sky
Not knowing where their destiny leads
lost in the subconscious of time
The painted dancers
beckon me, to follow them
Light on our feet, we go
Sailing through the clouds
high as angels
with wings of demon-fire
Monday, February 4, 2008
Tonight I want to hide my feelings too....
I am most definitely a pessimist.
Everything seems so bleak right now; I'm not going anywhere in life, and happiness was not destined for me. Why'd I have to be such a fuck up? Really?
Everything seems so bleak right now; I'm not going anywhere in life, and happiness was not destined for me. Why'd I have to be such a fuck up? Really?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
So today is the two year anniversary of one of my friends killing themselves.
Thanks for the crappy mood.
Other people are pissing me off because they're either avoiding me or just being emo little fucks. GRRRRRR.
Now that I think about it, I think it's all guys I'm pissed off at/about right now. The ex boyfriend, the friend who over-reacted about me not wanting to date him, the one who didn't call me back, he probably forgot. Also the one that is annoying the shit out of me, the one that said he liked me and valued my friendship, but never spoke to me again, the one I enjoy talking to and who seems decent but I can't talk to right now (not really his fault though, so I guess he's innocent). Most guys in general.
And then there's the one who shot himself two years ago. Great job. Really.
I wish I had gotten to know him better.
And in my mind, I forever dedicate the song "My Immortal" by Evanesence, to Ryan Patrick Clancy. Rest in peace, baby "stallion".
Thanks for the crappy mood.
Other people are pissing me off because they're either avoiding me or just being emo little fucks. GRRRRRR.
Now that I think about it, I think it's all guys I'm pissed off at/about right now. The ex boyfriend, the friend who over-reacted about me not wanting to date him, the one who didn't call me back, he probably forgot. Also the one that is annoying the shit out of me, the one that said he liked me and valued my friendship, but never spoke to me again, the one I enjoy talking to and who seems decent but I can't talk to right now (not really his fault though, so I guess he's innocent). Most guys in general.
And then there's the one who shot himself two years ago. Great job. Really.
I wish I had gotten to know him better.
And in my mind, I forever dedicate the song "My Immortal" by Evanesence, to Ryan Patrick Clancy. Rest in peace, baby "stallion".
"My Immortal"
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leaveI wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus]
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
[Chorus]
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